I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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