well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
