okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Let's get the cat blown out
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
