Im at strip club and am horny
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
