there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
from now on my penis is your penis
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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