Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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