I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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