I'm eating all of the evidence.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize