sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
