Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Oh god it's open bar.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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