She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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