you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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