Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
