Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
