Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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