Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
