just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
