Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
