hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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