Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
it's like iHOP with fire
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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