hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
