Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
