Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
