I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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