I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
