i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
