You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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