remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
