Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
