put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
