Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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