I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
