i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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