Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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