You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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