I just threw up on my dentist
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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