after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
