he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
