I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
