My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
