Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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