just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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