Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
