but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
