How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
