I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Small penises have feelings too.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
my poor anus
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
