You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
