I'm so fucking centered right now
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
