I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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