i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
