I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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