I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
