I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
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