FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Dicks are not precious.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize