I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
