Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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