Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
