I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
if only i could text you this smell
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
