She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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