She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize