worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
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ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
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New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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