Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
