i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
