Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The power of my boobs compel you
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
