finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
