Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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